Updated: Apr 29
Your husband feels the weight for being extremely important in your eyes. He wants – no he Craves your respect to value him as a man, your man! You will notice I use the word “think” instead of "feel". That is because your husband’s male language does not “feel” when a situation is good or bad, he applies "reason" to see if it is good or bad. To test my theory on your husband, try these first 2 questions and notice his reactions:
Sometime when you two are going out, ask your husband this question in this
manner about your blouse:
“Honey, what do you feel about this color on me?
Come back a different day with a similar but different blouse on and ask: "Honey, what do you think about this color on me?”
From the first question you asked him, did you notice he was hesitant and not sure how
From the second question, he most likely gave a quicker answer, right?
These 9 Secret Keys to Your Husbands Heart, appear as questions and statements, which are structured to get his attention as a man, not like one of your female friends. Please try to frame the sentences as I have them listed, even if they seem a bit odd from how you would feel natural in asking them. Happy couples can exchange information freely, use these questions to help you speak with your husband and draw him closer. Wise wives do not wait until it seems they need marriage counseling, she will investigate and be proactive in helping her husband feel more comfortable in their relationship. The purpose for seeking answers from your husband concerning these specific areas, is to gain his insight for his views of intimacy and love while targeting his male brain. Don’t try these all in one sitting, where it might feel like a job interview instead of intimacy creating activities.
Here then are 9 secret windows into your husband’s soul.
Pose them to him when he is relaxed!
1 – Honey, (or your term of endearment) If I work on 3 actions to show you how
much I love & respect you over the next few months, what would you like to
see me do more often?
His answers, or your reactions to his answers, might become very insightful for your relationship. No matter what his response, how willing are you to go along with his requests?
2 – Sweetie (use your term of endearment for him; honey, sweetie, stud
muffin), I think it helps to share goals with someone else. So, I want to let
you know I have 2 specific areas of my life, that I want to change for you.
They are ... (briefly list them out for him).
Be ready to defend his words “But I never asked you to change for me!”
While this sentiment is true, knowing at his “gut level” his woman is willing to make
changes for him, is a great sign which shows you value him as your husband.
3 - 5 things I really admire about you are ...
Make these action oriented or construction style attributes. You could tell him: “I like how you took charge of … and kept everyone calm …” or “You can do so many things around this house which is such a blessing for me.”
4 - For the sake of our marriage, I will do a better job of ...
Think of an action where you recently neglected to focus on his needs because you were so busy in other areas of life. You do not need to be his “Servant” yet there may be something he appreciates from you, without being reminded.
When speaking to husbands, my suggestions are to look for physical jobs around the house to lift his wife’s burden: take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, carry plates to the sink, etc.
The purpose for this is to help him understand you are being more aware of his prominence in your life. Do actions which say to him he is important to you.
5 – May I tell you some ways I have seen positive changes in me, because I
married you? Here’s just a few I thought about the other day …
Often, a marriage grows stale and you might take each other for granted. This declares to your husband you have not changed your mind and are still happy you married him.
6 – We have a (good, very good, healthy – you decide where you are) marriage,
but I think some areas of my life need your help in the next couple of
months to strengthen our friendship ...
Friendship is a familiar word he relates to. If you use intimacy, relationship, or connection, he does not see the meaning as well. Men enjoy having their wife as their close “buddy” where they can open up, a bit better.
7 – Who do you think has a good marriage? What do you think we could learn from
This is to look at other relationships which are a bit better and stretch forward a bit. He might see a particular husband as a wonderful man, father with admirable character who is openly concerned for his wife.
8 - To support me in becoming a better wife, would you help me to …
(list 1 or 2 activities you feel he could and would assist you)
This could be any task you would enjoy his support. Is there an area you keep setting aside and having someone to hold you accountable, would get you over the hurdles you have encountered before. My wife has asked me to help her lose weight. My job is to support and encourage her each week. This is not criticizing or complaining about different food, actually, we work together towards meal planning. I am her chief cheerleader when she reaches certain milestones.
Is there some project or work you want to do for self-improvement and having your husband assist you would be invigorating? Then ask for his support!
9 - Something I wish we did more often together is ....
Play tabletop board games, with no electronic interference. Go on a date with specific guidelines such as: leave cell phones in the car; no talk about the kids or home projects which might cause friction.
Instead talk about your dreams, or the next 12 months together and what you both want as a married couple. Talk about your relationship in terms he enjoys talking through.
These actions and words are to make your husband reflect a bit on his role as your husband. As you tell him what you want to do for him or with him more often, you declare your appreciation for him as your man! You might also notice I did not use a woman’s favorite term to express how much you feel something warms your heart – love. How many times a day do you use the phrase “I Love …” and how many times do you hear your husband use the word “love” to describe his feelings about any subject or inanimate object? Hardly ever for him, right? That's because men are not wired to relate to "love" apart from relationships with another person. What I have shared with you in this post could absolutely revolutionize your marriage, one piece at a time. If you want a happy relationship, you both need to feel wanted, respected and yes, loved. However, only two of those three words actually touches your husband’s inner male heart: to be wanted and respected.