5 mysterious skills will entice your husband to be romantic - - - all year long!

Updated: Mar 17


Today learn how to encourage your husband to understand romance shouldn't be reserved for V-Day!


Your husband may be overwhelmed by all the hype over V-Day. This post, will give 5 solid tips to build upon each other which will encourage him what you need all through the year. Be sure to read this entire post to build a solid wall around your marriage and never have to seek couple's therapy. This post will help you avoid marriage counseling by equipping you with eye opening ideas your husband misinterprets and will equip you to gently nudge him to understand your marvelous nature.


Valentine's Day is hyped by the card companies and jewelers. You know full well February 14th is not the only time to share romance with your husband. Nor should he think this single day is what true romance is all about. In the manner Valentine's Day is promoted gives a warped idea of genuine romance practiced by Happy Couples.



1- Refine your husband's understanding of authentic Romance.


Don't jump to conclusions or rely on your expectations you feel your husband has about romance. It is imperative you identify and explain your definitions and seek his feedback. Too many couples end up in marriage therapy due to unmet expectations concerning many topics. The sad part is you may think because your husband can use a word accurately in a sentence, his definition is the same as yours.


In our Marriage Seminars - following every power point presentation, each spouse is given a sheet of questions. One segment in most of these sheets is a series of words to personally define.


These words are: Non-sexual Touching; foreplay; expectations not met in our marriage; thoughtful listening; love; respect; etc. It is most enlightening to our couples since they discover how different their two views are, concerning these simple, powerful words.


What do you feel would be the answers you and your husband would give to these words listed in the last paragraph? Make an easily accessible list, jot down your answers then in a relaxed time, ask your husband to share his answers. You will be amazed to the words or phrases he has an opposite or at least a very different belief.


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You have no doubt heard a person use a word in a manner they obviously did not know what they were saying. This is my point for clarification. To effectively communicate we must speak the same language and not rely on our male / female differences to color our words. A bit later I will reveal a VERY misunderstood word which until corrected, quickly builds a defensive wall between you two. Unhappy marriages are created when each spouse assumes the other person shares the same outlook of words they do. Happy couples are willing to stop a conversation where one sees the other is not on the same page and it does not interrupt their marital happiness.


Clarify your points and do not assume you are both on the same page in your discussions. Remember we are discovering methods to show your husband how to be more romantic, having open, honest verbal discussions where you both know what the subject is and how to understand the words being used, especially where gender differences shade our meanings.


2 - You recognize Romance is much more than flowers, cards, balloons, dinner, and sexual activity which is not how your husband looks at romance.


How do you deliberately keep the romance alive in your home since your husband has an opposite understanding of romance? Your husband might only view romance as a loving activity or special thought-out gift with hearts and lovely scripts in a pretty card from you. He wants a different form of involvement with you to view you as his soul mate.


Dr. Willard Harley says a man requires "recreational companionship" with his wife to be emotionally connected to her. Mr. Harley does not say the wife is to engage in the sports or outdoor pursuits with her husband. Instead, his point is for you as the wife, to pursue an interest in your husband's hobbies where he observes his deep internal passions are appreciated by you. Your man craves shoulder to shoulder friendship with his best friend - YOU!


Does your husband know you are dedicated to his best interests as you feel he should be devoted to loving romance for you? Does he know deep-down you really respect him as your husband? For a man respect is demonstrated in many forms. The time spent with him, engaged with his emotional pursuits ranks high on surveys by men who want to feel closely connected to their wife. Your husband will feel you love him when you invest the time to be interested in his favorite activities. Your time given to your husband to be with him ranks higher than sex! YUP, check it out!


Therefore, the wife who complains about her husbands' pursuits, causes him internally to hear you declare you are not really interested in him as a person, the same way you feel neglected when he misses an anniversary or special planned activity dear to your heart.

Be bold and ask him how much he appreciates you investing time to be his partner and not simply his lover! As a woman takes the lack of non-sexual affection deeply personal, so your husband is excited or otherwise feels disrespected, based on your reactions concerning male bonding activities such as sports, hunting or fishing, etc. Too many wives openly disdain the pursuits their husband enjoys and participates in, which fuel his nature.


As true romance is more than "things", your husband would love your enthusiastic enjoyment for his male interests.


3 - Your husband views romance through his sex life with you since it is his male inner nature to feel this way. As his loving wife, you need to gently inform him your sexual needs are not the same as his.


Your husband bonds with your as his wife, through fulfilling sex. He feels emotionally connected to you because you give your body to him. You form the internal warmth first with your husband through your generous love connection and then offer your body to him. Did you see the opposite dynamics at work in this intimate ballet?


For you the harmony in your pleasurable sexual relationship comes AFTER the mutual emotional bonding with your husband occurs. However, for a man, any emotional bonding comes AFTER you first gave your body to him, willingly in the sexual act. He looks at sex as if you want to be emotionally attached to him and you almost certainly give your body to him because you are already intimately linked together first.


You welcome him as your lover because you feel contentment in your relationship. When this pleasure is broken you find it difficult to enjoy your sexual satisfaction. This emotional discord creates frustration on both partners. This conflict of priorities often produces a distance between you two. The resulting shortage of mutually pleasurably sexual activity is a symptom, not a cause for a tearing of the marital bond. Often, a couple's sex life reflects their intimacy in all other regions of their life either positive or negative.


The opposite dynamic is also accurate in happy couples, where emphasizing their mutual sexual enjoyment will promote a healthy recovery process back to that vibrant spark they possibly experienced as newlyweds.


He feels bonded to you as his life-mate by giving yourself completely and enthusiastically, which bonds you to him as his lover. Enthusiasm does not indicate your volume of activities, rather it is your willingness to be fully engaged in your mutual exploration and pleasure.

The generous, selfless husband enjoys seeing and hearing, you experience a fantastic climax. A lifeless partner, dreading the physical ordeal, is a complete turn-off for her husband. This is the reason most men feel whenever their wife initiates sex, even by subtle methods, it is most satisfying and very stimulating.


If your husband is the sexual high drive one in your marriage, do you initiate nearly as often as he does? Too often our physical intimacy deteriorated from that happy wedding day where we both understood what the evening would bring. To craft a satisfying mutually pleasurable sexual experience means one of you has to take the initial step.


Learning to initiate passionate sex can be a simple process (listed below) if you truly desire your husband enthusiastically as your lover.


Simple ideas to initiate sex can be as easy as:
  • a short note in erasable marker on the mirror;

  • a sticky note on his coffee cup in the morning or at night with a smiley face and your code word

  • getting into bed naked

  • telling him you look forward to "seeing him" in the morning

  • a sexy series of texts during the day which do not need to be raunchy, just provocative

  • even a simple gesture with your favorite scarf on the bedside lamp, tells him your look forward to some fun!

Click here to: Learn the secrets to a happy, pleasurable & exciting marriage


When he indicates he desires a sexual release, do you react in a negative fashion, or do respond to him with a warming communication or maybe a short pleasurable "Hmmmmmmm"? Is your sex life a chore for you to become aroused or do you come together with each other looking forward to the physical intimacy? As a man, your husband is affected by your response to his sexual advances. Where he lacks personal finesse, you can gently guide him to the wonders for your physical delight.



Men are not born understanding how to treat a woman warmly and softly with tender loving care. Too often men learn their sexual expertise from their friends or porn, in which either case generates very misleading advice.


Their childhood friends had no more clue how to effectively arouse and delight a woman for her ultimate pleasure than he did. Porn likewise gives a distorted view of a woman's expectations or the man's role in considerate foreplay which men most often misunderstand due to their fantasy mind's view. To illustrate a male's sexual misunderstanding, they envision adequate foreplay as how you both take your clothes off! He may have no clue what extended foreplay is and why it is important to you. You can totally heighten your sexual experiences through gently sharing with your husband how you enjoy the gratifying foreplay towards your intimate connection with him.


Since most husbands want their wife to receive delightful pleasure, you should offer him thoughtful directions you desire to get your ready for lovemaking. Romantic lovemaking requires both partners to learn for each other's best interest. Since you are reading this post, spend a while considering how to increase your mutual sexual rendezvous' while showing him in print or verbally telling him how to make you feel fabulous.


4 - Romance should be cultivated between two lovers dedicated to making each other feel special all year! He may perceive romance as the commercials have bombarded his senses to be once or twice a year event.



Become an expert of your husband's needs and his internal yearnings. As mentioned in point 3, he does not "naturally" feel what is necessary to be romantic according to your heart's comfort. If an educated, romantic husband is vital for you, help him see what authentic romance means to you.


A quick question for clarification for him, without embarrassing him, might also be eye opening for you. Simply ask him to describe what the word "romance, or romantic" means to him. Don't let him squirm too long, since it is a concept men are not naturally equipped to answer. If he answers "sex", or something leading to sex, keep in mind he IS giving you an open, honest answer from his heart. This post is written to reveal for you the distinct conflicts between our basic male / female misunderstanding for this word, and how to get you both on the same page.


You feel wonderful when he demonstrates or says how perfect he feels you are to him, perhaps by taking you to a nice restaurant, or dancing, right? He is declaring how proud he is to be seen with you. Yet for your husband to feel like he is conquering the world as your "man", it is vital you appreciate his drive to provide for his family. Let him know often you value him as a man and for choosing to become your husband.


Be sure to not run down his decisions. When necessary, disagree politely. There is no feeling worse for a man than to feel worthless in his wife's eyes. After you two are married a while, you know his vulnerabilities, so you are in a position to minimize his deficiencies while complimenting his strong points. Allow me to dispel a huge myth: No person, male or female, ever gets an inflated ego by receiving numerous sincere compliments.


Besides your sexual activity, you can enrich his life by continuously boosting his positive qualities, major boosts to his heart when you do it publicly. Romance in your husband's heart means he is "king" in your eyes and you often tell others this point.

5 - Since romance is numerous delightful gestures which fuel his male nature, never take your husband for granted, instead show him how special he is to you.


It is natural for a couple married a few years to get into certain habitual "ruts" and become complacent in their relationship. This negative process translates into taking each other for granted. Taking each other for granted provides a fertile ground for troubles to emerge as you wander almost mindless through your week, being around each other but not effectively involving each other in your world. Do not assume everything is good between you two.

Rediscover romantic, interactive date nights, expressing your devotion to each other and searching each other's heart how to make your marriage stronger. If you remember the dating process you first enjoyed, you invested time and money to learn as much as possible about one another.



To have your relationship thrive and not simply survive, work in unison together towards some mutual goals. The recipe for a happy, healthy, romantic marriage is created out of two lovers who are dedicated to each other's best interest.


It takes work and intentional focus to craft a fine relationship like a work of art. After all, marriage is more creative art than it is science. It is not developed by following formulas and algorithms to achieve a set objective, it is an ongoing flow of emotional expressions on the road of life.


A delightful strong intimate bond is composed when you and your husband communicate freely on deeper levels, getting to know each other's desires. When you see a disjointed definition of terms, stop and clarify for the other your desires and expectations.


Your friend and coach Jerry Stumpf


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