Updated: Feb 22
Creating a vibrant marriage is simple yet not easy as it requires effort.
It is simple as you can work though these during quiet times with your hubby.
The difficulty may come as you attempt to get your husband to slow down to concentrate on your relationship.
Keep in mind, you are more concerned about your relationship than your husband. That is not a condemning statement, it is how he is from the inside out, I refer to it as his wiring.
Women are "wired" to be relational persons, wanting to establish a safe have as a home. Men want a place to eat, relax, and have sex!
Take a couple of minutes and look through these ideas and determine how to add them to your busy life and unlock your husband's heart!
1 – Spend more time in intentional free flowing conversation, where both you and
your husband are engaged
What I mean by “intentional”, is to have some specific thoughts to stimulate your discussions.
Free Flowing means, either spouse can bring up ANY topic, no matter how fragile you past. Neither would this indicate a "steam roller" or "bully" approach. Kindness, and timing must be used when approaching a sensitive subject for either of you.
These two ideas together show you can have an open, dialogue without leading to a heated argument, which accomplishes nothing worthwhile.
Try to make your thoughts easy to understand. Keep in mind, just because you fully understand every segment of the ideas you want to present, your understanding does not mean your husband is on the same track as you.
Also, if you don’t get to each item on your agenda list and you still have a wonderful evening together of loving conversation, it is a win-win! Then save some ideas for another soothing discussion again later on.
I encourage you to take the initiative and carve out the special time for reflection on your marriage.
What are some ideas you think would make for intimate conversations and marriage
Here are some ideas to build upon:
Your open, mutually uplifting, communication - What topics might be off limits at this stage in your marriage and which will eventually increase your cozy interactions?
Your sex practices and frequency - What are you comfortable or uncomfortable talking through? I have a fabulous Sex Survey which has simple check places and easy to use indicators for your dialogue
Your finances - How is your present day and future looking?
Issues facing your marriage - Are there problems over friends or relatives which causes anger or shutting down by either of you?
Date nights or extended weekends away to focus on your relationship - Who plans the date nights? How often do you enjoy quiet evenings together to re-connect?
What do you see as any trouble spot in your relationship, no matter how small those rough spots are today? Spend some focused discussion about marriage issues or struggles you each see within your marriage where the marriage bond can become stronger.
What does it take for you two to just talk with each other, with your phones and electronic devices switched off?
It is hard to have a relaxed conversation when one of you is being distracted by a text or other update.
If you would like some specific questions, shoot me an email at PepUpYourMarriage@hotmail.com and ask for some help.
2- Have a specific amount of sexual intimacy per week
In the introduction, I mentioned women are most often the spouse concerned with relationship building. Another contrast for you and your husband is you become sexually aroused from the inside out, since your mind and spirit need to be at peace to fully enjoy your husband physically. You husband becomes aroused from the outside in, he is visually stimulated - bombarded every day - with sexually arousing women, from all sorts of mediums.
Husbands can learn how to romance his wife and touch her in several non-sexual ways which engender her bonding process for him. The issue for the husband, is he continually gets stimulated which fuels his libido. During the same day. while you handle many tasks,which you compartmentalize, your sexual urges are placed on hold.
This point, # 2, is to help you both cope with each other's arousal differences and open the door to effective communication concerning your marriage sexual enjoyment.
Honest discussions with each other, allow you to mutually decide what each partner needs in your relationship. You should be enjoying the intimate privilege of being married with each other.
If you have been married for a while, the sex life often gets postponed or completely placed on hold, while everything else takes precedence at life speed. Husbands must seek to assist their wife to become more prepared for sex. He can aide her by focusing on her style of romance, relaxing and foreplay. Most men do not know how to properly do this so his wife needs to help him appreciate her unique needs.
Spend the time initiating sex more often (unless you are the high drive spouse).
Don’t dismay, if you are not the regular initiator, I will give you a few creative
methods to instigate your feelings of physical intimacy in a demure fashion.
Since he cannot read your mind, be subtle yet forthright in your “nudges”!
Here’s a few ideas to consider how to initiate your sexual rendezvous:
Text your husband a provocative or revealing thought. It does not have to contain foul or caustic language to drive home your point. It merely needs to hint at or gently suggest seductive ideas. Bring back the flirting you used during your pre-marriage dating.
Tell how you want him to take your clothes off you slowly.
Instruct him tonight you want him to sit back and watch as you take off your clothes tonight!
Ask him to prepare a bubble bath and your favorite beverage, so you can get in the mood.
Or the ultimate – encourage him to do the kitchen clean-up, complete with the dishes while you “get your body ready to enjoy his hands moving all over you!” Watch how clean that room becomes.
Does your husband understand what "non-sexual touching" means to you? Most men do not know as they are not "wired" that way and it is not discussed among men. Just imagine what it would be like to have your husband do some chores or tasks for you with no strings attached, because he wants to serve you?
Yes, he wants more sex, but he does not always understand how to get you there or perhaps he does not know how to specifically help prepare your mind for sex with him.
Consider this difference: A woman needs to be emotionally prepared to receive her husband, with the day's stresses eliminated or under control and calm in her mind. Your husband just needs you naked!
Talk outside the bedroom about frequency, preparation and particulars for how you enjoy sex.
3 – Have fun together, just to enjoy life together!
If your life has become routine or stagnant, start to inject some zing into your connection.
Be sure you are creating memories to draw from throughout the rest of your life.
Phones are wonderful to capture memories and find a way to display those photos via a projector onto a wall for instance.
Perhaps reminisce a bit and discuss the high points from your marriage so far.
Discuss just what has been the most fun times you can each remember.
With this information from your new memories, design a few more upcoming times to
duplicate those memories in new places.
Notice the patterns which emerge. How can you relive some of those moments?
What new experiences could you see for yourselves in the upcoming years?
How often do you have regular, designated, date nights for reconnecting and focusing on your relationship? The next point stresses this idea of future fun activities.
4 – Focus on the future and do not harp on the past
What is behind you – – – is – --- behind you. If you must bring up a past event, it should be for clarification and not to prove one of you right or wrong.
Together, as a small project, talk over your future with excitement and love. Add in many "What if " scenarios.
Reflect how you want your future together to become, through a series of reflective questions to ask each other to form a solid platform moving forward.
Here are a few to get you started:
a. Where would our favorite places be, for the next five years' vacations?
b. What kind of a home would we really like to own some day? Where?
c. Someday I would really like to … (This open-ended question is good to repeat several
times with each other about many topics such as: vacations; places or styles to
incorporate into our sexual life; what types of exotic life stretching experiences to
Dream together and build upon those mutual visions!
Practice these 4 simple concepts to enhance your marriage.
It matters little which partner reads and begins to apply these principals.
The key is to start. Start today to improve the marriage bond you committed to at the altar before your friends and relatives.
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